Time for an Upda--what were we doing again?

Greetings, New Newsers! Silver here with your newest installment of the New Weekly News of Newer Stuff. Oddly enough, with all the interesting stuff going on, we don't really have any news. I mean, who wants to read about dead birds, ice storms, and other apocolyptic stuff. (Personally, I'm chalking the birds up to Mdme Fluffinpuff who despite her adamant denial, has obviously had issues with "birdie dust" before. If you don't believe me, just check out this rare footage we have of her at the last emmys while "tweeting out".

          New Newsers, I know this is scary to watch, but I would suggest committing this footage to memory. After all, addiction can attack anyone, anywhere, anytime. Addiction is like a ninja with its attacking-ness. So, this reporter would have you to remember that the most common signs of bird addiction are as follows:

• Mewing incessantly
• Tremors
• Dialated pupils
• Hallucinations
• Rampant hair growth

       Also, here are some of the names youngsters may be calling their stash of birds:

• Squawking
• Peeping
• Feather dusting
• Doing Tweety

          This is a real problem, and there are real solutions. If you know someone with bird addiction, please, thwack them over the head with a baseball bat. As unorthodox as this method seems, experts agree it's the only permanent cure for bird addiction. Though those who recieve this particular treatment may suffer temporary loss of consciousness, severe headaches, and in some cases, death, doctors say these side effects are temporary and you can always be assured that the addiction is cured.

             Just remember everyone, Friends Don't Let Friends Do Tweety.

                This is Silver, Twee--I mean, signing off.